Insecurity Doesn’t Retire: 6 Signs of an Insecure Leader Regardless of Age

Insecurity is a very real vulnerability, especially for leaders. It is common for people to grow more secure in their leadership as they get older. Yet, like my daughter’s cat, insecurity never stops nipping at us (my daughter says it’s me, not the cat!). Insecurity can weaken a leader’s reputation and credibility, making them even more vulnerable and compounding their insecurity.

Where does this sense of insecurity come from? We don’t have to be Dr. Phil to see that it is often driven by fear – fear of failure, fear of rejection, or fear of embarrassment. But like any disease, we cannot address our insecurity if we don’t know the signs of it. Here are 6 signs you may be an insecure leader, regardless of your age.

1. Being unwilling or unable to acknowledge it

How often does it snow in Florida? That’s just about how often an insecure leader will actually acknowledge their insecurities. Perhaps they are aware of them but fear that if they are too vulnerable, others will view them as weak. Or, they might be completely blind to their insecurities. When a leader cannot see or does not acknowledge their fear and lack of confidence, they are destined to remain in the sad cycle of insecurity.

2. Working too hard to impress others

I was once meeting with a group of leaders when one of them started to make comments about what they had accomplished and all of the people they knew. Whether they were embellishing (a common symptom of insecurity) or it was all true and they just wanted others to know how impressive they were, I do not know. But this type of bragging can be awkward when it is so evident. There is nothing wrong with a leader sharing honestly and humbly about an accomplishment. After all, false humility smells as bad as bragging. But when the motive is to impress, it can have the opposite effect.

3. Moving too slow or too fast

Interestingly, insecure leaders can be far too slow in taking action and, at other times, far too fast. For those who move too slow, they may fear others not liking them due to a hard decision, so they delay, delay, delay. This is common in situations where a leader delays firing someone who needs to go or ending a program that will disappoint others. But sometimes, in order to impress others, a leader can move too fast. You see this when a new leader is hired or promoted and wants to impress others quickly by making some grandiose decision or pronouncement. Both too slow and too fast can negatively impact lives and organizations.

4. Needing A LOT of affirmation

One of the common signs of insecurity is needing to be affirmed constantly. We all value affirmation and appreciate it when we receive it, and it is important to affirm others. But when a leader needs a constant infusion of affirmation and acts lethargic when they don’t get it, they will be seen as weak and needy by those around them. These are not good qualities for a leader seeking to lead well and have a positive impact.

5. Recruiting unexceptional team members

Insecure leaders aspire to be needed, to be a hero in the sight of others, and, by all means, to be the smartest and most impressive person at the table. To maintain that image, some leaders seek to surround themselves with people who are a notch or two below them in knowledge, leadership, momentum, credentials, or competence. Such team members are less likely to challenge them and more likely to be an admirer. I remember an organization where this transpired, and the results were what you would expect. A mediocre team produced a mediocre organization.

6. Using fear and intimidation often

I know of more than a few leaders whose go-to strategy to get compliance is fear and intimidation. The popular (and sometimes overused) word for this is “bullying.” Such leaders use their position, control over compensation and job security, the volume of their voice, and even their physical size to push people around. On the outside, they are arrogant and belligerent, but on the inside, many are afraid. And just like a dog, when feeling threatened or cornered, they tend to growl and bite. While this strategy may work in certain settings and for a period of time, it seldom attracts and retains people who want to stay alongside you for the long term.

Whether you are 24, 44, or 64, insecurity is common. After all, we are imperfect humans. But left unaddressed, it can weaken a leader’s influence and credibility and harm the organization’s culture and trust.

Every leader needs both unfiltered feedback from those around them and a safe person to help them make sense of the way they lead and how others see them. The Bible says that fear is crippling (1 John 4:18). But the more we understand and address our shortcomings, the more we understand and maximize our strengths, and the more we surround ourselves with a support network that is for us and not out to “get us,” the less our insecurities will win.

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Jay Desko is the President & CEO of The Center Consulting Group and brings experience in the areas of organizational assessment, leadership coaching, decision-making, and strategic questioning. Jay’s degrees include an M.Ed. in Instructional Systems Design from Pennsylvania State University and a Ph.D. in Organizational Behavior and Leadership from The Union Institute.