Want to Get Things Done? Sharpen Your Influence with These 5 Practices

One of my friends will often say, “Explain it to me like I am in fourth grade.” Most people like simplicity. I have used this approach for the past 30 years when teaching on leadership by providing a very simple, even if imperfect, definition of it: Leadership is positive influence.

When my doctor says it wouldn’t hurt to lose a few pounds (that’s a hypothetical example😊), she is trying to influence my behavior to eat better. When a business owner is trying to get his sales team to stay personally connected to their customers by remembering special events in their lives and families, he is striving to shape their behavior.

But what do leaders actually need to DO to have a positive effect on the behaviors and actions of others? Here are five practical ways you can sharpen your influence as a leader.

1. Protect your trustworthiness.

Just like water is one of the foundational elements essential for human health, so is trust essential for human relationships. Trust is the belief that a person or organization will act as we expect them to act. It is built over time by combining good character, consistency in how we behave, competency in our work, and a deepening relational connection. The more I trust someone and they prove reliable with that trust, the more likely I am to place more trust in them. In contrast, if someone violates my trust, I am less likely to allow them to have influence in my life.

A well-known speaker and writer on leadership commonly shared about the importance of character, but he was later discovered to be living a dual life, including sexual misconduct and abusing his influence. That person lost his influence rapidly and permanently. Excessive blows to trust make it harder for people to trust anyone. And if someone doesn’t trust me, they are going to resist me influencing their life. So, if we want to have a positive impact on others, we need to continually build and protect our trustworthiness.

2. Treat them the way you want to be treated.

I remember seeing a sign while driving by a fire company that said: “We come to your fire. You come to our pancake breakfast.” One of the words for this is reciprocity. It has been practiced for thousands of years. I cut your grass when you are in the hospital. You shovel my snow when I am out of town. I invite you to lunch. You invite me to lunch. I help you out when you need it, and you help me out when I need it. These are all examples of mutual benefit. This is commonly referred to as the “Golden Rule” which is based upon Jesus’s teaching that in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you. The more we treat people the way we would want to be treated, the more likely they are to do the same, allowing us to influence their choices and actions.

3. Capitalize on your expertise.

In the Harvard Business Review article “Harnessing the Science of Persuasion,” Dr. Robert Cialdini talks about how people often defer to experts. While consulting with a hospital, he noted that stroke survivors did not perform the exercises the physical therapists instructed them to do at home, but they were more likely to do the exercises when their medical doctor told them to. Once the hospital started to tangibly demonstrate the credentials and expertise of the physical therapists, their compliance increased by 34%! When you are seeking to influence others, it is important to remember to capitalize on the expertise of yourself, your organization, or your team members because people are more likely to listen to an expert.

4. Show appropriate vulnerability.

Singers Elton John and Madonna had a personal feud for over 12 years. She took offense that he criticized her talent, and that hurt stuck with her until she saw him at a gathering. She went to confront him, but before she said a word, he said, “Forgive me.” At that moment, “the wall between us fell down,” Madonna said. Regardless of your musical preferences, this serves as a powerful reminder that it is hard to have a positive influence on the life of someone else when there is conflict, hurt, or pride standing in the way. Vulnerability is a powerful way to build connection and have others allow you to influence their lives.

5. Utilize the power of peers.

Years ago, I worked with high school students as a youth pastor. Our team of volunteers worked to build an environment of “PPP” or “Positive Peer Pressure.” We had a core group of kids – including athletes, a power lifter, and several exceptionally nice students – whom we worked closely with to create this environment of PPP. So, when the younger kids were old enough to join the high school group, there was an expectation that some of the poor behaviors they had in junior high would not be tolerated in the senior high group. (And it really helped to have that power lifter!) This is an example of positive influence from peers.

The positive influence of peers can also be utilized when a leader is initiating a change. This can be done by recruiting a group of people who are supportive of the change and ensuring the larger group is aware of who is on board. If an employee sees that someone they know and respect is supportive, they are more likely to be supportive as well.

For assistance in strengthening your leadership influence, contact us to speak with one of our experienced coaches.

Jay Desko is the President & CEO of The Center Consulting Group and brings experience in the areas of organizational assessment, leadership coaching, decision-making, and strategic questioning. Jay’s degrees include an M.Ed. in Instructional Systems Design from Pennsylvania State University and a Ph.D. in Organizational Behavior and Leadership from The Union Institute.