Are You Suffocating Your Staff? How to Stop Smothering and Start Leading

Suffocation phobia is what people experience when they fear not being able to breathe. I recently watched two documentaries: one about Apollo 13 when it experienced a catastrophic loss of power while in space, and another about the tragedy of the Titan tourism submarine that exploded. Just watching these made me start to feel claustrophobic as I wondered how the people in those capsules must have felt.

However, there is another type of suffocation phobia that is commonly experienced in organizations. This is when team members feel like their managers are smothering them with excessive oversight and rigid accountability. I have never met a leader who acknowledges that they do this to their employees. But I have met many employees who feel suffocated by the way their managers treat them.

There are several reasons this suffocating behavior happens. For example, a manager may have a team member who is not competent enough to do the job right, and due to previous mistakes, the manager no longer has confidence in them. Or, maybe the manager has unrealistic or unclear expectations, making it hard for the team member to know what the manager wants. And of course, a manager may be more insecure than they would like to admit, and that insecurity results in sabotaging the employee. Regardless of the reasons, suffocating behavior by a manager is unhealthy and can negatively impact the culture of the organization and the retention of team members. So, here are four ways to stop suffocating your staff and start leading with trust!

1. Hire and promote the right people.

If you are suffocating an employee, you may have mistakenly hired or promoted the wrong person. I have seen many occasions where a manager was over-supervising someone because the employee was not competent enough to do the job in the first place. Or in other cases, a manager may lead from a perspective of suspicion having been burned by another employee in the past. A recent survey by Lending Tree found that over half of remote workers earn additional income through a side hustle while working their primary job. Such behaviors make it harder to trust.

In another example, one of our clients promoted an employee who was doing a good job in the position for which they were originally hired. But when the leadership promoted this person, they started to fail in several areas. So, the leadership then began to increase accountability for the employee with regular meetings, goal-setting, and professional coaching. While there are times that such actions may improve performance, they are the exception. Suffocation often results in anxiety and anger, but it rarely leads to improved performance in the long run. If you effectively hire and promote, you can lead with trust as the starting point and reduce the reaction to suffocate.

2. Stop acting like your twelve-year-old self.

Remember being 12? There is a trainload of insecurity at that stage in life, including whether you are good enough to be accepted by others and whether you measure up in certain areas of life. And some of those insecurities can follow you as you get older and advance in your leadership. Some managers can become jealous and even threatened by a subordinate who excels in an area that they do not. When an insecure manager hears the employee receiving compliments praising their skills, some managers may feel threatened and respond by holding that person back. They can do this through not giving them new opportunities, withholding compliments, and even passively undermining them. These are all signs of insecurity that result in suffocating someone right out the door and into the arms of a competitor.

3. Create a culture of thriving rather than competing.

A deadly cycle can form in some organizations. First, we claim that we are overloaded because we do not have enough capable team members. Then, we hire team members but usher them into a culture that is not conducive to thriving, resulting in toxic relational dynamics and high turnover. Next, we claim that we are once again overwhelmed because we do not have enough talented team members. And on and on and on it goes.

One reason there is a shortage of air traffic controllers is that some of the training facilities have created toxic and suffocating cultures, resulting in many candidates quitting. According to a retired FAA psychologist who studied air traffic controller training, one of the major training facilities emphasized a culture of “We’re here to make you fail.” Managers are responsible for the culture. And a toxic culture will smother even the most talented people.

4. Sharpen your delegating discipline.

Pickleball players, golfers, surgeons, public speakers, and plumbers are just a few examples of individuals whose skills develop through discipline and practice. They never stop practicing, honing their skills, and growing their muscle memory. And you can add delegators to the list. Managers only get better at delegating when they practice it over and over. This includes…

• Hiring people you trust who need coaching more than supervision

• Training your team so that they can do the job as well as or better than you

• Not allowing your insecurities to hinder you from delegating

The growth of your people, your organization, and yourself as a leader is heavily dependent upon helping everyone flourish rather than suffocate.

Our experienced coaches can help you put practices into place to help you lead from a place of trust rather than suffocation and micromanaging. Contact us to learn more.

Jay Desko is the President & CEO of The Center Consulting Group and brings experience in the areas of organizational assessment, leadership coaching, decision-making, and strategic questioning. Jay’s degrees include an M.Ed. in Instructional Systems Design from Pennsylvania State University and a Ph.D. in Organizational Behavior and Leadership from The Union Institute.